Hello all,
I've been trying to follow the threads here. I'm glad I found this discussion forum. I was born into S. California church and subsequently left CTLW (they combined for Sunday service while I was in my teens) about 16 years ago after getting married and moving 3000 miles away. It took me years to realize that CLTW was indeed a cult. Mainly b/c I started attending other Christian churches and slowly saw the way that members were treated and saw people were not shunned that had to leave for jobs or other reasons they were still treated as friends. Some repressed memories started to dawn on me once I was in a safe and secure relationship.
I was actually confronted by someone in the new church about JRS & CLW being a cult. I was so ANGRY! I was in so much denial. But years later, after I wised up, I realized that getting away from my childhood, and the doctrine was why I took the first opportunity I had to get away. These people no longer cared about me (basically abandoned me) once I was not deemed to be following their prescribed tenants of behavior (ie submitting to my "Elijah" (pastor) every move I wanted to make.
Luckily, I see it now for what it truly is. I see how they do nothing Christian as far as helping the poor or teaching the Gospel of Jesus and salvation of souls. It's simply about expanding their own reach, their own gospel and getting people into their church. It's not about Jesus at all.
I thought I was completely over the pain I experienced. My life is pretty darn good; but I still struggle with deep depression and suicidal thoughts and other issues that crop up without any noticeable reason. I recently had a long conversation with a friend I went to school with at COL (they no longer subscribe either) - and I felt so much lighter and freer after being able to discuss our childhood and what had happened there. It was incredible, I didn't call her to talk about this at all but somehow it turned out that it was exactly what I needed to discuss with someone that UNDERSTOOD. I realized that it's something my friends I have made today could not possibly understand at all b/c they didn't experience it and have no frame of reference. I realize that even though I have dear friends, I have no one that I can talk to about my life before I left. And I notice that I still feel on the fringe of Christian and secular society and of my church now, I never feel like I can fully fit in. But I think this is what I was brainwashed to believe as a child.
After some research, I am realizing that much of what I experience with emotional distress is completely compliant with other ex-cult members experiences of slowly healing. I am starting to look into cult recovery therapy. Has anyone here undergone any beneficial therapy?
Has anyone else felt PTSD like symptoms?
Thanks!
I've been trying to follow the threads here. I'm glad I found this discussion forum. I was born into S. California church and subsequently left CTLW (they combined for Sunday service while I was in my teens) about 16 years ago after getting married and moving 3000 miles away. It took me years to realize that CLTW was indeed a cult. Mainly b/c I started attending other Christian churches and slowly saw the way that members were treated and saw people were not shunned that had to leave for jobs or other reasons they were still treated as friends. Some repressed memories started to dawn on me once I was in a safe and secure relationship.
I was actually confronted by someone in the new church about JRS & CLW being a cult. I was so ANGRY! I was in so much denial. But years later, after I wised up, I realized that getting away from my childhood, and the doctrine was why I took the first opportunity I had to get away. These people no longer cared about me (basically abandoned me) once I was not deemed to be following their prescribed tenants of behavior (ie submitting to my "Elijah" (pastor) every move I wanted to make.
Luckily, I see it now for what it truly is. I see how they do nothing Christian as far as helping the poor or teaching the Gospel of Jesus and salvation of souls. It's simply about expanding their own reach, their own gospel and getting people into their church. It's not about Jesus at all.
I thought I was completely over the pain I experienced. My life is pretty darn good; but I still struggle with deep depression and suicidal thoughts and other issues that crop up without any noticeable reason. I recently had a long conversation with a friend I went to school with at COL (they no longer subscribe either) - and I felt so much lighter and freer after being able to discuss our childhood and what had happened there. It was incredible, I didn't call her to talk about this at all but somehow it turned out that it was exactly what I needed to discuss with someone that UNDERSTOOD. I realized that it's something my friends I have made today could not possibly understand at all b/c they didn't experience it and have no frame of reference. I realize that even though I have dear friends, I have no one that I can talk to about my life before I left. And I notice that I still feel on the fringe of Christian and secular society and of my church now, I never feel like I can fully fit in. But I think this is what I was brainwashed to believe as a child.
After some research, I am realizing that much of what I experience with emotional distress is completely compliant with other ex-cult members experiences of slowly healing. I am starting to look into cult recovery therapy. Has anyone here undergone any beneficial therapy?
Has anyone else felt PTSD like symptoms?
Thanks!