I sure appreciate the new posters, as well as those who have recently posted after taking a break for a while. Everyone sharing their story is certainly helpful to others. I spent a couple of years with a shrink trying to sort through things and perhaps the most important thing I learned from that period was that I was not nuts. Even though I was clinically depressed, it was comforting to know that my reactions to what I had lived through were normal. PTSD is quite real. It took me about ten years to get over the vivid nightmares of bloody sword fights, and even longer before my wife could wake me up without me attacking her - thinking I was fighting for my life. Even the dog was not safe to wake me, as the hole in the bedroom wall about 10 feet away proved – and he was 65 lbs.
It has been about 18 years since I left TLWF and I no longer have any of those symptoms. Sleep is sweet and peaceful. I know for a fact the madness can end. Perhaps time does heal, but I’m not so convinced. I’ve communicated with many - you’ve seen some of their posts - and the wounds are as though they happened yesterday – and it was 30 years ago. Just a normal compassionate person without God would not want this to happen to anyone. It’s hard to imagine how leaders can continue to spiritually abuse their followers and not care about the damage that is being done. It would seem that you would have to be incredibly self-centered to feel nothing.
In addition to therapy, I read every book even remotely related to cults and mind control I could get my hands on. It was helpful to learn about control techniques that were identical in many groups, not just Christian, and realize it had been taking place in TLWF. Although interesting, it didn’t fix me on the inside. The real healing started when I went back to the words of Jesus – the very thing I thought caused all this mess – and started putting them into practice. What I began to discover was the Jesus in the New Testament and the Jesus in TLWF were not the same. It was like starting all over. The Jesus in the New Testament wanted to serve, not be served. He was willing to lay down his life for his enemies, not prophesy judgement on them. He was concerned how the least were being treated, not the greatest. He wasn’t just a little different – He was the exact opposite. There was good reason for thinking “Christ in the Flesh” was messed up – he was! Taking a good honest look at the red letters gives you a completely different lens than the “revelation teaching” of TLWF.
It is an eye opener when you begin to realize that the still small voice within you can be trained to deceive you. There are terrorists that honestly believe they are following God by becoming suicide bombers. For a season, I set aside my own thinking (I know – red flag!) as well as the teaching of others - I didn't trust either one - and just focused on the words of Jesus. He had earned my trust over a lifetime. Others had twisted his words to serve their own ends, but I had never found what he actually said to be false. He said I had one teacher and it was him. I just accepted that at face value. Whatever he said that I put into practice – not just studied – started healing me from the inside out. It started with being willing to forgive – including myself. Honestly, it was a supernatural miracle. I started caring for people that had been completely off my radar.
The following words of Jesus are so applicable to those of us who have been wounded by TLWF: “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”
The real Father is nothing at all like the earthly men we have called father – even though Jesus told us not to. There is no shame in recognizing that we missed the mark when it came to knowing him. None of us have ever been worthy. He doesn’t love us because we are good, but because He is good. He can resurrect a relationship with us that we thought was completely dead and beyond hope – only this time it will bring healing and life instead of wounds. This is the real living word.
It has been about 18 years since I left TLWF and I no longer have any of those symptoms. Sleep is sweet and peaceful. I know for a fact the madness can end. Perhaps time does heal, but I’m not so convinced. I’ve communicated with many - you’ve seen some of their posts - and the wounds are as though they happened yesterday – and it was 30 years ago. Just a normal compassionate person without God would not want this to happen to anyone. It’s hard to imagine how leaders can continue to spiritually abuse their followers and not care about the damage that is being done. It would seem that you would have to be incredibly self-centered to feel nothing.
In addition to therapy, I read every book even remotely related to cults and mind control I could get my hands on. It was helpful to learn about control techniques that were identical in many groups, not just Christian, and realize it had been taking place in TLWF. Although interesting, it didn’t fix me on the inside. The real healing started when I went back to the words of Jesus – the very thing I thought caused all this mess – and started putting them into practice. What I began to discover was the Jesus in the New Testament and the Jesus in TLWF were not the same. It was like starting all over. The Jesus in the New Testament wanted to serve, not be served. He was willing to lay down his life for his enemies, not prophesy judgement on them. He was concerned how the least were being treated, not the greatest. He wasn’t just a little different – He was the exact opposite. There was good reason for thinking “Christ in the Flesh” was messed up – he was! Taking a good honest look at the red letters gives you a completely different lens than the “revelation teaching” of TLWF.
It is an eye opener when you begin to realize that the still small voice within you can be trained to deceive you. There are terrorists that honestly believe they are following God by becoming suicide bombers. For a season, I set aside my own thinking (I know – red flag!) as well as the teaching of others - I didn't trust either one - and just focused on the words of Jesus. He had earned my trust over a lifetime. Others had twisted his words to serve their own ends, but I had never found what he actually said to be false. He said I had one teacher and it was him. I just accepted that at face value. Whatever he said that I put into practice – not just studied – started healing me from the inside out. It started with being willing to forgive – including myself. Honestly, it was a supernatural miracle. I started caring for people that had been completely off my radar.
The following words of Jesus are so applicable to those of us who have been wounded by TLWF: “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”
The real Father is nothing at all like the earthly men we have called father – even though Jesus told us not to. There is no shame in recognizing that we missed the mark when it came to knowing him. None of us have ever been worthy. He doesn’t love us because we are good, but because He is good. He can resurrect a relationship with us that we thought was completely dead and beyond hope – only this time it will bring healing and life instead of wounds. This is the real living word.