A couple of books that have been very helpful to me in my recovery from TLWF are “Boundaries” and “The One-Life Solution”, both by Dr. Henry Cloud. I spent years reading every cult book I could get my hands on, trying to understand if TLWF was really a cult or not. In hindsight, the indicators were so obvious that it was shocking to discover how deeply the mind control had gone for me to lose all sense of reality. Once we establish the fact that we really were in a cult, the long road to recovery begins.
Losing all sense of boundaries is so toxic to our personal identity. You don’t know where you end and another person begins. The goal of becoming a zero with the rim rubbed out is a classic example of living with no boundaries and placing ourselves in a position where we can be easily controlled by another. We become smaller than we really are, and the leader becomes larger than they really are. We lose all sense of what we should be saying yes or no to. The “oneness” experienced in TLWF leaves the one who has left the group in a position where they want nothing to do with the Body of Christ – just the opposite of what should happen. We are left with the feeling that there is no way in hell I’m going to let that ever happen to me again – and rightfully so.
However, once you re-establish boundaries, it gives you the freedom to relate to others in a healthy way. I love connecting with the various parts of the Body, but they are certainly not God to me. They are people just like me. The lordship of Jesus Christ that was so beat into us in TLWF was simply used as a means to control us. Our personal relationship with Him actually has boundaries as far as others are concerned. It's what comes out of that relationship that becomes "that which every joint supplies". Think about how destructive a marriage relationship would become if others were invited into it. Yet, even the boundaries of that relationship were broken down by the leadership in TLWF. Instead of families being strengthened, they were torn apart.
Losing all sense of boundaries is so toxic to our personal identity. You don’t know where you end and another person begins. The goal of becoming a zero with the rim rubbed out is a classic example of living with no boundaries and placing ourselves in a position where we can be easily controlled by another. We become smaller than we really are, and the leader becomes larger than they really are. We lose all sense of what we should be saying yes or no to. The “oneness” experienced in TLWF leaves the one who has left the group in a position where they want nothing to do with the Body of Christ – just the opposite of what should happen. We are left with the feeling that there is no way in hell I’m going to let that ever happen to me again – and rightfully so.
However, once you re-establish boundaries, it gives you the freedom to relate to others in a healthy way. I love connecting with the various parts of the Body, but they are certainly not God to me. They are people just like me. The lordship of Jesus Christ that was so beat into us in TLWF was simply used as a means to control us. Our personal relationship with Him actually has boundaries as far as others are concerned. It's what comes out of that relationship that becomes "that which every joint supplies". Think about how destructive a marriage relationship would become if others were invited into it. Yet, even the boundaries of that relationship were broken down by the leadership in TLWF. Instead of families being strengthened, they were torn apart.