UnAp:
This is very sensitive ground in which much care need be taken. If you value the relationship with your wife over her own stepping back, you may have to accept the fact that this may be your decision but may never be hers. The best way to approach this situation is the old ‘emphasize the positive and minimize the negative’, meaning, simply allowing her to see how happy and free you feel without ever attacking anything she may still value in TLW.
I exited the fellowship over three years ahead of my wife and never once pointed out to her anything wrong with the church. She witnessed how expansive my life became after leaving, finding new friends and involving myself in other fields of interest, all the while maintaining our relationship and continuing to go out with TLW friends who would still fellowship with us because of her continued involvement. A successive series of events unfolded which culminated in my wife having her own ‘critical mass’ moment, where she also decided to exit the fellowship.
It is important to point out that this was only our experience--others did not fare so well. Many church-exits led to relationship-splits that ended in ‘crash & burns’, some quite ugly, which is why great care must be taken if you value your marriage. Continue to explore your freedom without ever making it an issue, and avoid at all costs, justifying your decision to leave or questioning her decision to stay. If she loves you more than the church she will honor your decision, as hard as it may be for her, and your own freedom and happiness ‘may’ be enough to woo her off the reservation.
There are no guarantees in this situation. The Kool-Aid has been coursing through the veins a long time. Tread lightly with a smile and not a smirk.
This is very sensitive ground in which much care need be taken. If you value the relationship with your wife over her own stepping back, you may have to accept the fact that this may be your decision but may never be hers. The best way to approach this situation is the old ‘emphasize the positive and minimize the negative’, meaning, simply allowing her to see how happy and free you feel without ever attacking anything she may still value in TLW.
I exited the fellowship over three years ahead of my wife and never once pointed out to her anything wrong with the church. She witnessed how expansive my life became after leaving, finding new friends and involving myself in other fields of interest, all the while maintaining our relationship and continuing to go out with TLW friends who would still fellowship with us because of her continued involvement. A successive series of events unfolded which culminated in my wife having her own ‘critical mass’ moment, where she also decided to exit the fellowship.
It is important to point out that this was only our experience--others did not fare so well. Many church-exits led to relationship-splits that ended in ‘crash & burns’, some quite ugly, which is why great care must be taken if you value your marriage. Continue to explore your freedom without ever making it an issue, and avoid at all costs, justifying your decision to leave or questioning her decision to stay. If she loves you more than the church she will honor your decision, as hard as it may be for her, and your own freedom and happiness ‘may’ be enough to woo her off the reservation.
There are no guarantees in this situation. The Kool-Aid has been coursing through the veins a long time. Tread lightly with a smile and not a smirk.